Courage to go where healing calls us

I wanted to start here, with this poem. This poem that thirty years later, I can still see my teenage self, outside of myself, so clearly writing in one of a thousand journals over this lifetime.

I Didn’t Care

I sat in the middle of the floor, wondering what I was here for.

Alanis was blaring in my CD player, I hadn’t yet decided what to wear.

My puppy was chewing on my best stuffed animal, but I didn’t care.

I just sat on the floor staring at my runners, Nike Air.

I had basketball practice in an hour, but I didn’t care.

I took a puff of my smoke and blew it out in the air.

My boyfriend was coming to watch, but I didn’t care.

I laid flat on my back and looked up at the ceiling and stared.

I stood up slowly and made my way to the door, turned the knob and thought no more.

I ran out on the lawn, my head was spinning. This is my life, and I’m not winning.

I raced to the road and lay still in the middle. I closed my eyes, and my breathing was hard.

I was sweating and crying, but I didn’t care.

I opened my eyes and thought, what am I doing?

I have so much to live for and I do care.

I was about to get up, feeling very dizzy.

Zoom.

I wanted to start here because I’ve always been a writer and now I’m a Breathwork Facilitator. And I’ve always somehow thought it was separate, but it’s so beautifully entangled. Breathing and writing. Human and healing. The way that words and the breath have been supportive of my own journey, and how they get to be supportive of yours.

This work is a conscious commitment to my creation through words. It’s bringing you stories and poetry that you can see parts of yourself in and feel supported by. It’s merging my work as a Breathwork Facilitator helping you heal through Conscious Connected Breath and honouring your humanness in healing, holding you in your journey through words.

Creating community through our shared human, healing and life experiences.

All of this that connects us, reminding us that we’re not alone, that we belong as we are and as it is, remembering we’re breathing together back to our wholeness. That we are all indeed, just walking each other home.

This teenage part of myself writing these words in the poem words about not caring, I see her. I am her. And I love her in and through the darkness. With the courage to go where the healing calls us. Into the light. To become more free. To become more whole. To return home.

And I see you. Wherever you are. In your courage to go where the healing calls you.